How to Ruin a Boy’s Life in Two Seconds

Roughly a year and three months ago, Vickie secretly worked at a two-Australian-dollar shop. It’s seriously amazing what vast age range of people would use what vast range of techniques and tricks to steal what vast range of things while you’re at the cash register serving another customer. Hmm, I did mention I worked at a $2 shop, right? But this entry has nothing to do with shoplifting, so moving on.

During one of those narcissistic mirror-staring because there was nothing else to entertain me days, one of those mothers walked into the shop pushing one of those strollers with one of those little boys in it. Now I’m completely immune to cuteness and babies or toddlers, so when that little boy with short, curly blonde hair tried to climb out of the stroller while the mother looked away, I thought I’d make myself helpful and said, “He is falling!” (How that has anything to do with being immune to cuteness and babies or toddlers, the world may never know.)

The mother turned to look at the boy, then looked at me, then looked back at the boy.

“Bad girl, bad GIRL!” screamed the mother while she fixed the boy GIRL. I panicked a little, stood there and tried to think up an excuse or apology (hrmm, she looks like a boy? Me no speak Engrish?); but before I could mutter another sound, they had left the shop and were never seen again.

Now that I think about it, maybe she was really screaming at me, not at GIRL.

GIRL, you’re one year and three months older now, probably no longer pushed around in the stroller that you so desperately wanted to climb out of. But GIRL, if you mummy won’t let you wear trousers, sit with your legs comfortably apart, have short hair, not wear make-up, climb a tree, leave the kitchen, play video games or write a program…

I’m sorry. It was probably me…






15 responses to “How to Ruin a Boy’s Life in Two Seconds”

  1. Anna Avatar

    That was definitely an amusing post. I would probably have made the same mistake, even though I think babies are adorable and all that jazz. But I definitely enjoyed reading that. bigsmile

  2. Dee Avatar

    That used to happen to me a lot circa age 10. I went from a bob to an almost buzzcut care of one lazy hairdresser, and thanks to the fact that I never wore pink or skirts I had to deal with being referred to as a boy for several years until my hair grew back out again.

    I was so traumatised I didn’t get it cut for, oh, seven, eight more years.

    Then I grew boobs and figured I was safe.

  3. erica Avatar

    It’s a BABY for christ sakes. They have no distinguishing features. (Like you, the cuteness doesn’t phase me at all.) How the hell were you supposed to know? If it has short hair, it’s a boy. If it has pink Crocks on, it’s a girl. smile Jeeze. Why doesn’t the rest of the world see this?!

  4. risa Avatar

    oh wow lol I understand what you mean,I think.although,I had a mother direct her son to steal some candy from where I was working one day…that was quite interesting.

  5.  Avatar

    I feel bad for the baby girl.

  6. Shoko Avatar

    haha that’s a cute story. I don’t think I’ve mistaken anyone’s gender…I wouldn’t be surprised if I had and my embarrassment erased if from my memory.

    Haha thank you. I’m guessing those shoes won’t stay on my feet for long ;p

  7. Sarah Avatar

    Aww, that’s all right! It can be easy to mistake the gender when they are that young.

  8. x marquis in spades x Avatar

    I happened so many times with me, but with older people -.-

  9. Jenny Avatar

    I don’t think she was talking about you. But she shouldn’t have screamed at the kid.

  10. canderson Avatar

    Unless they’ve got their kid in bright pink or very blue….or a dress I suppose…it’s incredibly hard to determine whether someone elses baby is a boy or a girl. And I’ve noticed everyone has a preference (probably from whatever pets they’ve had) of either ‘he’ or ‘she’. That was a great post… it is incredibly amazing what people with steal…

  11. aileen Avatar

    perhaps the ma raised her voice a tad too high just so she could correct you while she was disciplining the kid in a simple phrase. harhar

  12.  Avatar

    i love the title of your post! poor kid, lol.

  13. Brenda Avatar


    Now, that was cute! Although in my case I would be sitting there thinking – ‘He’ sounds like ‘She’, and it is possible that the mum might think that she had heard ‘he’ even though you *may have* said ‘she’ because sometimes the ‘s’ gets lost in transition. (Ohmygosh – what am I saying?)

    One of my girlfriends got mistaken for a boy by this old lady who attempted to chase her out of the Ladies’. Now, that would be a case where the victim will be hopping mad!

  14. justin Avatar

    Little kids and old people are sexless for the most part. The genders start to look the same to me in both cases. Maybe I’m just weird.

  15. Claudel Avatar

    Indeed pretty funny, but now if all it takes for a boy is “two seconds” how much it will take for a girl?:) as if it was irrelevant.

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